Being bored AND curious, I went to the internet today and looked up the Billboard charts. I had never realized that
Billboard was actually a magazine. In fact I'd never heard anyone talking about Billboard that wasn't a Radio DJ or an MTV VJ. I went to their website and read about the two groups Billboard caters to: the "fans" and record execs. Looking at what tops the charts, i'm guessing the numbers have nothing to do with good music. Would you care to take a look at the Billboard charts (for December 26th, 2008) with me?
(I'll be listening to the songs while writing this as to channel the exasperation I'll be feeling)
1. Beyonce - Single Ladies
Somehow, I've already seen the video for this and been thoroughly unimpressed. I also recognize the song before it plays. There is an annoying noise in the background. Its got an alright beat. The vocals are good, but the song itself is really shitty. A record exec probably wrote this piece of shit. I can imagine it now, "The kids like weird noises and monotonous beats, right? WELL, have I got a SONG for YOU! Beyonce, sing this and your record will go platinum"
Alright, I already have a headache, but i must push on in the name of science!
2. T.I. - Live Your Life
I've already heard this one, too. Its been played in a few peoples cars while i was "riding dirty." Alright, they get props for having that old internet meme with the singing fat kid, but I'm a little put off by how long it took them to use it. I like the chorus, but the verses are pretty awful. The beat is awesome. This is the kind of song everyone wants to sing along with. This is a really good clubbing or cruising song, but I can't imagine really listening to it alone... like I am right now. They tried to make this way too serious, especially using the fat kid meme.
I looked it up just in case you were unfamiliar, it was the
Numa Numa Kid.(the actual song is called "Dragostea Din Tei")
3. Lady GaGa - Just Dance
This is already pissing me off, Its like she is trying to be both Britney Spears AND (lady rapper name here). It sounds like its one of those party scene songs, but less rappy and much more targeted at 12 year old girls. Also way too much annoying electronic shit for me to listen to it. My headache is worse than with Beyonce. I feel this is another prepackaged type record exec song. Its great when the record company writes your songs for you.
Well, I don't think I'm ever gonna listen to that again. Well here's some Kanye, like an oasis in the desert. He's easy listening.
4.Kanye West - Heartless
I am pro-vocoder and so this song catches my attention right away. Awesome beat, simple and uses a sound i haven't heard before. He just said Dr. Evil, that makes me smile. Can't really tell if Kanye is using a vocoder or not. I think so, but I'm not sure.
And we've found another dip.
5. Britney Spears - Womanizer
I am turned off by the intro and the name of this song. Nice beat, but Britney sounds hella creepy. Can she say womanizer enough. It sounds like Britney learned a new word and decided to make a song about it. She finally figured out what to call KFed. This is awful. Kill me. please kill me. oh my god. this is amazingly awful. it takes skill to suck this much. Who listens to this? Womanizer, the worst song of 2008?
Can it get any worse? Oh, i remember seeing this next artist on VH1 a few months ago. She was singing about kissing girls... and liking it.
6. Katy Perry - Hot 'N Cold
I like the synth, but the lyrics are shitty. Not nearly as good as her other hit. Also, she shits on her voice for the verses, but she does good on the choruses. Well, I think her hearts in the right place, but this song still turned out pretty shitty. Definitely NOT Top 10 Material.
7.Taylor Swift - Love Story
I like banjo and she has a nice voice. Kinda feels like it might end up on CMT. Kind REALLY feels like it might end up on CMT. I don't hate it, but I don't really want to listen to the rest of it. I guess there are a few minutes for it to get bad. Oh shit! Minor chord breakdown. So cliched. And now for the upbeat breakdown part2.
They'd be smart to cut off the back end of that song. It wouldn't suck half as much.
8.Kanye West - Love Lockdown
I've heard this song before. The intro is kinda repetative. Good beats again. Its alright, but it doesn't really stand out. Its a little whitebread for me. I can't think of anything to say for this. Its so average I can't really say anything.
I hate to be that way because i usually love kanye. I mean, I AM a white boy from the suburbs.
9 T.I. - Whatever You Like
I dig the 8bit sounding synth. The lyrics don't suck either. I like it. Its a love song about buying a girl whatever she wants because he has way too much fucking money. From an apolitical standpoint, I like this. Wow.
10. Beyonce - If I Were A Boy
I'm weirded out by this already. Does Beyonce want to be a guy? She is basically saying how she'd be an awesome guy. This song is way lame, but at least its not grating. Maybe she's trying to confuse everybody. And then there is a lame, even slower, breakdown. It just made me want to go to sleep.
So there is the list. Out of 10 songs, 3 had even the slightest chance of making my top 10 list. Most of them really sucked. REALLY SUCKED. So, have the
Billboard charts outlived their usefulness?
On May 6th, 2009, history was made.
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